Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Adama: Did you love her, Chief?
Tyrol: I thought I did.
Adama: Well, when you think you love somebody, you love them. That’s what love is. Thoughts…

-Battlestar Galactica, “The Farm”


Monday, May 30, 2011

Deftones Weekend, Part 2

"Should I ignore the fashion, or go by the book?

Deftones, Around the Fur

Back in about 1997(ish), My brother and I were home one day, he in his room, and me in mine. I was doing something not to engaging, because I heard a song through the wall that made me get up and ask what it was. I thought it was Tool, but better sounding (I am, admittedly, not a huge Tool fan)... He said no, turned it up a bit, and said it was The Deftones.

I borrowed the CD, Adrenaline, for about the next 12 months or so.

Since that day, I fell in love with them. Their mix of heavy and melodic makes for such a unique and influential style and catalogue of music. Every one of their albums is beautiful in their own way, whether it be through brutal songs like "My Own Summer," "Rocket Skates," and "When Girls Telephone Boys," the flowy riffs of "Be Quiet and Drive," "Kimdracula," and "Sextape," or songs that went against their "type," like "Mascara," "Teenager," "Pink Cellphone"... In fact, during a time when many of their compatriots took the more mainstream route, The Deftones put out a very different type of album, "White Pony". To this day, I find it to be perfect in it's entirity. It's the album I've gotten people to listen to them through. To this day, it is my favorite album ever, from my favorite band ever.

The first time I saw The Deftones live was in 1998, as part of the Vans Warped Tour. They played for a half hour, in the middle of a hot summer day.  It was loud and violent and aggressive.  And perfect.

In total, I think I've seen them about 10 times.  Last weekend, I did something I've wanted to do for years, and that's see them two nights in a row: Saturday in Orlando, and Sunday, in Boca Raton, along with Dillenger Escape Plan and Le Butcherette.  The following are pictures and set lists from both shows.  Enjoy!

Process, Not Suppress

I stopped by to visit my old job yesterday, and, while catching up with one of the girls that works there, I heard her say one of the most mature things I never imagined an 18 year old girl would say: that she was learning to process her feelings and emotions (My horoscope that day, coincidentally, said to process, not suppress).  She's been dealing with a lot in terms of a bad breakup, on top of other personal life circumstances.  But her statement genuinely made me feel proud of her.  I've seen her take such great strides in terms of growing up over the past 8-9ish months during their separation, and her acknowledgement of that is amazing to me.  Too often, I have found that people run from their feelings.  They put up walls, find distractions, do whatever it takes to not face a particular problem or feeling or fear.  For an 18 year old girl to not only say she's processing such emotions, but to actually see her do so in addition to making great positive changes in her life, well, honestly?  It gives me hope.

We don't all have to accept what circumstances life gives us.  We can take a chance, and do our best to change things.  If not, what's the alternative?  Accepting when things don't go right?  Not learning from our mistakes, and continuing to make the same ones over and over again?  Saying that nothing ever goes right, and giving up?

No.  We can try.

We can reassess the things in our life that we aren't happy with.  The people who call themselves "friends" that don't offer anything but the qualities of a leech.  The goals that our hearts would love to attain, but that our brains consider to risky to attempt.  Even the fears inside of us that keep us from really going after what we want.  I recently made that leap of faith, and not only have I not felt happier, but I am confident that things will succeed.  My coworker has done the same, and she is doing okay.  Yes, it can be a struggle, but life is not without work.  And I'd much rather put the work in towards something that will pay off in my life, than not try at all.

So if you're the type of person who buries things deep inside, and is afraid to take chances, I say this:  If a green haired punk rock 18 year old girl can do it, so can you.  All you gotta do is try.


Saturday, May 21, 2011

Deftones Weekend

This weekend, I'm doing something I've always wanted to do... I'm going to see my favorite babd, The Deftones, two nights in a row. Saturday night in Orlando, and Sunday down in Boca Raton (which is free, thanks to some good lookin' out from my friends at Hot Topic). This is seriously one of my Bucket List items (I don't know what the rest are yet, but sounds like good material for another post)... I've seen them about 7 or 8 times, and have always wanted to compare them back to back. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures, and post 'em when I return.

Hope you all (if anyone reads this) have a good weekend!


Friday, May 20, 2011

When I ask, "How are you?," I mean it.

I went to do the weekly shopping at Publix today, and had an interesting conversation with an employee in the detergent aisle about how screwed we are in terms of weather and the economy. And all I did was say hello. But I said to my friend Alex (http://graphicshero.blogspot.com) last weekend that I was gonna make an effort to talk to as many people outside as possible. Not that I haven't, quite the opposite. Everyone has a story to tell, and I'm interested in hearing it. Hence the title of this post: when I ask, "How are you?," I mean it.

That being said... How are you today?


Concert List

(hed) p.e. @ The Culture Room, 2008

One of the things I love to do is go to concerts. Whether it be rock, hip hop, or electronic, I'm always up for a good performance. A few weeks ago, I started a list of every band I could remember seeing in concert. So, in no particular alphabetical order (I never want to do that again), here's my list. My list thus far, that is.  Everyone from local bands (that I could still name) to big arena acts is there.  Feel free to snicker in the comments section.

Needless to say, I'll be adding more as I remember/see new musical acts.


Thursday, May 19, 2011

From Twitter

From my Twitter:

Me, to @melosophy: Build yourself up, so you won't need walls. #quotes #thoughtsonlife



We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

-Winston Churchill

Good words to live by.

(Courtesy of Brainy Quote.)


Tuesday, May 17, 2011


The Nazis were obviously wrong to hate the Jews.  But their hating the Jews was not without a cause…  But the cause wasnʼt real.  The cause was imagined.  The cause was FEAR.

Letʼs leave the Jews out of this for a moment and think of another minority.  One that can go unnoticed if it needs to.

There are all sorts of minorities, blondes for example, but a minority is only thought of as one when it constitutes some kind of threat to the majority.  A real threat or an imagined one.  And therein lies the FEAR.  And, if the minority is somehow invisible...  The fear is even greater.  And this FEAR is the reason the minority is persecuted.  So, there always is a cause.  And the cause is FEAR.  Minorities are just people.  People...  Like us.

Fear, after all, is our real enemy.  Fear is taking over our world.  Fear is being used as a tool of manipulation in our society.  Itʼs how politicians peddle policy and how Madison Avenue sells us things that we donʼt need.  Think about it.  Fear that weʼre going to be attacked, fear that there are Communists lurking around every corner, fear that some little Caribbean country that doesnʼt believe in our way of life poses a threat to us.  Fear that black culture may take over the world.  Fear of Elvis Presleyʼs hips.  Well, maybe that one is a real fear.  Fear that our bad breath might ruin our friendships…  Fear of growing old and being alone.
-George Falconer, A Single Man (2009, via Reasoned Rebellion)

Hi, My name is Ian.  You may know me from such websites as Live Journal, Mi Gente, Friendster, MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter.  Or maybe from real life.  Whatever the case, thank you for coming to my personal blog page, which will, sometime soon (after some designing fun), become my official website.  I intend to post my artwork, insights, advice, anecdotes, old pictures, and whatever else pops into my head.  Hopefully, you'll like what you read, and will continue to come by.

But before I get started with all that, I'd like to write a little about myself, my experiences, and where I am in life right now.  Hence the quote from A Single Man (a great movie, if you haven't seen it).  My life hasn't always been the easiest, and I've gone through a lot.  Especially the past few years.  I have had problems with my school, my stepdad left the family out of nowhere, I fell in love with someone who was not ready for such a relationship, and my brother died.  And now all that's technically left of my immediate family is me and my mom, who is getting older, and is blind.  However, I have never, ever, said I had it hard in this lifetime.  In fact, what the past few months have shown me is that deep down inside of me is an intense appreciation for those close to me.  This has allowed me to help people regardless of our relationship standing, and I have truly felt good doing so.

Back in November, I went through a 3rd breakup with someone I had fallen madly in love with, but who had kept me at arm's distance.  I never really understood why, not until the beginning of this year.  I reconnected with someone whom I never expected to speak with again in my life.  After speaking with her, and after her telling me about her experiences, I began researching a topic I hadn't thought to read about before: fear.  I read a lot about different types of relationship fears, the techniques that commitmentphobes use to cope with their fears, anxieties in people, how those anxieties form and manifest themselves...  I learned what I could about fear to help me cope with the loss of my partner, my lover, my best friend.  In doing so, I was not only able to help others who were in similar situations, but I also came to the very true realization that I absolutely, 100% love the person that I have become.

Fear can be such a debilitating thing.  I am not mad at her, not anymore.  I know in my heart that she loves me, but is too afraid to commit.  I feel bad for her, because she won't try to change things.  She'd rather the safe route, and by doing so, she will continue to deny herself any sort of real happiness in life, and that's so sad to me.

After my brother passed, the way I saw the world changed.  We never had the best relationship, but I loved him with all of my heart, and tried so very hard to make things good between us.  There were a great many things that no longer meant anything to me, and aspects of my life became much more of a priority.  I had put so much energy into trying to save something with someone that was too afraid to give it a proper chance, because I was afraid to lose it all.  In reality, I never really had her.  But what I did have all along was great support system, one I would not trade for anything in the world.  My close circle of friends have been there for me through the absolute darkest periods of my life, and have always been there with open arms to pick me up.  My family has come to my aid during such periods, and helped in so many more ways than I thought possible.  They have truly been an inspiration and a Godsend to me, and I intend to carry that with me for the rest of my life.

No longer am I afraid to take risks.  No longer am I afraid to open up to people.  No longer will anyone's destructive criticism do harm to me.  I may have my moments where I falter, but I know who and what I'm capable of, and that's all I need to know.  I have never stopped, even through the hardest of situations in life, and I now feel like I'm in a place where I can truly make my life as good as it can be.  This is the beginning of a new chapter, and, by the look of the first few sentences, it looks to be a good one.

This site, my work, and effort I will put forth in my endeavors, I dedicate to my friends and family.  I want to make art and help people, and their inspiration will help me to do so.

Again, I'd like to thank you for stopping by, and I hope you come back soon.  I know I'll be here.